TURN-AROUND

I was sad and I was depressed
With all the things moving and All the things not moving
There were some pleasuring me and some not so soothing
I visited temples and all sacred places
Everyone told me to go and bend my head, at all possible places
Relief was none and pain was maximum
Parents got tensed when I cried in front of Mum
There was no hope left and I was loosing
One can see smoke up in the air and my liver full of fluid from boozing
Then came the thought – who’s gonna help me
Scanned all the images and only result was - ME
If I was hoping for help or someone to take me out
I was giving everyone a chance to laugh on my misery a lil loud
I decided, I am not going to take it this way
I will live and live by my way
And this was the thought ,this was the turnaround
I am my help , I am my GOD, I am my destiny and I am my sound
Echo is what u hear when u speak loud in a Hole
Turnaround is what you need , when, in deepest shit , You are the only Soul

Life is a Stage

Life is a stage, world is a theatre
M I an actor or M I a player
Whatever it is , I am going to play
Game is game – gold or hay
Doesn’t matter, I win, I loose
Success or Failure – Will be celebrated by what I choose
Applaud or Criticism- who care
It’s my game – I am the player
All is destined , I don’t have much of a say
GOD – Will you ever change my role , If I say
If you will – Why did u wrote it in the first place
If you can’t – Then I am the Slave , I am the King and I am the Ace
You have created such an amazing theatre
Who’s actor, who’s audience ,really a confusing factor
I think that I am watching – To bring Surprise, Someone’s watching me
I think I am a critic , Well, there are other’s who are criticizing me
This is a colosseum ,everyone’s here for fun
Are you receiving fun or giving fun – answer’s none
The only one enjoying is God
Why should I let him enjoy – I am not a fraud
I got your philosophy Mr. Minister
I am not a part of this game with a feeling NOT called sinister
I am a free bird , which will fly with no strings attached
Life is a stage and I will enjoy it even If I am unmatched

Loving Me.....

I want to love u and that is what I have done
Other than you , life had no-one
I still remember the time when we were together
Never experienced the pain irrespective of weather
Life was you, smile was you, thought was you, happiness was you
Million deaths, it took me to believe, it was not you
Life is pain, smile’s gone, thought’s devastated and death near
With all the painful thoughts, no more I fear
But believe me, I will change,
I will change all this for better, without you,
‘coz going by your cunning thoughts , who me , who you ?????
The mirror in which you showed me your true face
It gave my life a different pace
Lemme see in the mirror the sweet lil guy
Who once had tears in eye and a question asking why
Lemme just be happy and be my own
I regret for admitting that we were ever known
Now Nothing’s gonna stop me
“coz this time I am loving the truth – I am loving me

What’s next to unfold …..

What’s next to unfold….. this is a question running through my mind day and night , every single moment that’s passing by , the question is getting louder and louder ….. It’s hitting me hard, it’s hitting me really hard and the blow isn’t easy to take ….

I have cried for help and shouted it loud to the people concerned but it seems that it left no effect on ‘em but it left me in vain thinking that they made a mockery and fun of what I told them and when I asked them for help and understand my situation, it makes me feel bad thinking that m loosing it …..m loosing it big time ….well, this is not what I am, this is not my philosophy of life … this is just an aftereffect of the mammoth that crushed my life and emotions …… there have been times, when I have supported every one, concerned or not , in the best way I can but little is what’s left for me forget over with this , this hell of the pain and trauma that I am going through …

I tried speaking it out loud and clear but it seems that either I can’t speak or they can’t listen, somewhere something is going wrong, it’s going wrong tremendously …. I don’t know if someone would ever read this and even if someone does, it will be taken well in the same manner with which I have outspoken my heart……
With almost everything unpredictable and with a pain in heart, m still ready to face but don’t know how long will I be able to stay …..
There is a story which I have never told, let’s see what’s next to unfold …….

Fight - Within or Outside

Fight .....

A very common word which we use in our day to day life , every single moment we are fighting .... it can be a fight within or fight outside or a fight with the system ....

Today as the sun went up in the sky , i have tensed and fighting , quite rude ,huh !!! But the fact is yes.... I am fighting , I was fighting from people around me because I was fighting within myself .....

There has been a serious quench for satisfaction which when left unattended is leading me to become aggressive ...... That is the reason that I am fighting .....

Fight , when outside can be won with tactics and there are numerous ways to win and dominate the situation according to your desire but when the fight is within , it's really difficult and merely impossible to come out and emerge as a winner .....

The system within is the toughest system and it's really hard to defeat that....... This is what I have learned after quite an analysis ... however let's see , how it moves ???? the day has just started and there are miles and miles to go .......

Well, with the signoff , I must say that I am fighting the toughest battle , Battle with myself .... Let's see who wins .... me or me ... anywhich ways , there will be reasons to be happy and sad , both at the same time , happy for winning and happy for loosing .....

what will be my reason , can only be known once the battle is finished :)

Aur Batao ???

AUR BATAO ???? M really bugged up with this statement coming from most of the people .... Well i certainly believe that there is no way that your conversation (Meaningful) goes over and above 2 - 3 minutes and once you are done with it , the very next statement is AUR BATAO ?????? WHAT AUR BATAO , BULL SHIT , MY FOOT, I just don't know what courage ppl have who keep chit chatting on the phone for hours and more than 90 % of the time they are saying / asking AUR BATAO ????

If just these 2 words AUR BATAO / BOLO are made free by telecom companies , i m sure there will be a 99 % reduction in monthly telephonic bills ... I bet on this one.....

This is such an irritating phrase and such common in nature ... that even if you are talking to a person for the very first time, after five minutes of conversation, the first statement o come out will be AUR BATAO / AUR BOLO......

I am sure this phrase is no more than a serious disease, girls or even guys for that matter calls and once they are done with their inputs, they say aur bata.....

What else , feel like replying with a letter carrying a biography of my life and with a request at the bottom - Please call me ONLY after reading this and I am sure then you won't have anything to ask and I won't have anything to answer for your phrase - AUR BATA ...

A request to all those desperate ppl who wanna know more abt me and my life, BOSS there is nothing happening at my end and if there is something, I swear i will be the first person to call and let you know that but by that time please don't ask me AUR BATAO / BOLO

Marraige - A Financial Contract or Social - Emotional Contract !!!

MARRIAGE - What is it ??? Lately i have discovered that it is becoming more of Financial contract rather than emotional / social contract. Many of my known people are getting married and surprisingly a new trend has evolved,looking the recent developments ...

Guys are NOT SO bothered about the nature, attitude, behavior , general likings, future prospects of the girl's as long as she is earning and ready to take care of her own expenses.... Girls for that matter are NOT SO bothered about the Ethics, Morals, Habits and general behavior of the guy as long as he is earning good....

I believe that every one is looking at the short term benefit of getting married in these cases.... ie: Financial independence .....Privacy is so common and so existent in today's relationship that in the name of freedom every partner is living his/her own life which is independent of the other partner rather there is no name / place for the other partner.... I seriously believe that if this continues further, the day when both the partners will have their own bed rooms isn't away ... bank accounts, cars, properties are already in the list , bedroom will also come soon.... these couples quite educated but lacks the basic sense of living in the society....there is no other picture in their life frame other than themselves ...

When at times, you talk about social / emotional responsibility to them, they laugh at it saying that when we will be in need of that we will see... as of now it's going on good,with she taking care of her own expenses and living her own life and not disturbing me... HA HA HA HA HA.... i seriously pity on these partners as if they continue with the same attitude , the day isn't far when life will laugh at them ... and then they won't have anything to buy with the amount of money they have collected out of this financial contract ....people like these make me believe that this is why we need divorce lawyers, police, old age homes, women equality laws and the list goes on as the financial contract is too fancy in the beginning ... the result is yet to come ....

2 Steps Front ... 4 Steps Back....

I am writing this keeping one of my friends in mind..... there are times when she has been talking to me for all the possible things on earth and then comes the time when she is saying nothing at all ......

I don't know but girls have always been a mystery to me, with their mood swings and thought processes merely unpredictable, it's really impossible to predict them ..... One can study date and time of birth for some time and predict the future for years to come ..... but for girls, one can keep studying them for years ans can't even predict few seconds of the future ... they are an enigma in 'em selves.....

When i say that they walk 2 steps in front , i mean they will be so friendly and into you,that you almost start believing that this is the friend you have been waiting for and when they actually take 4 steps back leaving you wondering if you are known to this person or not ..... well the irony is when you start believing that this person has put the reverse gear then comes the real surprise , the front gear is on and you are being blamed for non cooperation ..... would have born in 1947, this would haven been the non cooperation moment by Gandhiji :) well let's c where the ship goes on the water as all 3 in this case ie: ship , water and wind are unpredictable.......

Smoking - You can leave it ...

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world - I have done this more than 1,000 times since i started it .......

Well, I certainly belong to those 2 groups of people which are framed out of the big chapter of smoking ...

One, who think they won't be able to leave smoking as they have been doing that for past so many years..... I agree with them as I was a chain smoker for almost 8 - 10 years and was always thinking about the day when i will leave smoking, there were certainly more circles on the days of the month as compared to those indicating birthday reminder's but i was not able to leave it as the only thought that ruled my mind was - how will i be able to survive if i give this up , how will my time pass if i am not smoking.....

Well, i did left it and left it in one go .... thought that i will only smoke when someone will put a cigg on my lips forcefully...... the moment has not come yet..... though i myself have gone ahead and took cigg as the helping measure in the situation that SEEMS to be troubling but in fact it is not..............

Second, group is of ppl who think that they will be able to leave smoking but they never go ahead with this ... as there is an internal fear in their heart that they have said that but not willing to leave it on their own ...... Anyways, in the end, if i am not smoking, it's me who is feeling better, energetic, confident......... the list goes on and on and on and on .... believe me you can do it .....

My World - Which Color Should I paint ????

My World - I have made it look like what it is looking right now .... I wanna paint it but don't know which color to paint it in...... There has been a series of thoughts running through my mind, there have been serious contemplation of thoughts, mind has changed to battle field, every thought challenging the other and trying to overpower the other....

Every color has some good and bad shades and agony lies in the selection.... i believe i expected too much from the canvas even before i started to paint. The color i liked the most is costing me more than i can afford , society applauds the color selection however managing the color and keeping the shade constant is troublesome.....

With the mystery growing day by day and canvas getting older, I am getting in serious contemplation of thoughts whether i should paint it with some color or just keep it black and white ...... I think i will keep this black and white and see what colors nature and god puts in that , all i am leaving with,is a dream,dream - that i dreamt for a colorful painting which never became a reality ....

I Want to be a LONER !!!

I have been thinking for quite some time now.... What exactly I want to be ... I have got the answer after turning a thousand stones , I want to be a Loner .... I want to fly sky high ....

There have been times when I was upset with the strings attached but now I am alone and flying freely , I am relaxed and that too to a great extent....

I have been dreaming and planning a lot of things which when not happening was turning me down mentally and emotionally but now I am ready and I am ready for everything as I have not planned anything ....

Today I am feeling like to hit the road and the gas pedal of the car to the maximum and see the beauty of the nature and maybe if I need to name this - It would be the Journey of my life as I don't have a destination , a time limit and above all plans .....

I have been reading and hearing a lot about planning and effects of it however with my personal experience ( remember - personal experiences are too good but very costly ) , today i think that at times it's better not to plan and let things happen to you ...

Today i feel that lemme do everything that comes to my mind first and njoy the fun generated, today lemme don't figure the reason of doing something .... today lemme live myself ......

I am recollecting an old song - Tu Jahan Jahan Chalega , Mera Saaya Saath Hoga .......

And since i don't want any one to analyze this or evaluate this , I want to be alone , answerable to no - one as today i wanna be a Loner !!!

A Loner with my own Shadow ....

Importance of knowing what you want !!!

Almost 82 days passed since the dawn of new year and here i am trying to break it to the granule level of what i want ....

I realize that it is very important to know what you want out of your life as this only thought at times acts as a differentiators between heaven and hell .....

I have got a few things which i dreamt of and have not got some but to the matter of fact those few things are not able to give me what i wanted as , what i want is still confusing in comparison to what i have ....

There are times when we think that after getting this, we will be happy or after we have achieved this, we will be happy but at the last i have discovered that happiness is an attribute of journey and not destination. The time when you are struggling in the hope of getting something or achieving something , that is the time when you have happiness at the nearest , just like the law of diminishing utility :)

But sincerely i want to sit down in person and speak to myself as to what is that thing that i want as going above the layer of normal either leads to NIRVAVA or INSANITY , i m confused where my road is heading to :)